How to feel grateful

Last week I wrote about how it's normal to feel sad during these difficult times. Today I might contradict myself, because I truly feel that while it's normal to have bad moments—and I have them—it's possible to cultivate gratitude. In fact, this feeling of gratitude helps us to be happier, even now.

A few weeks ago, we asked our Instagram followers what they were grateful for. The responses were overwhelming: healthcare workers caring for the sick, grocery store employees, farmers, health, family, our homes, a balcony to go outside on... there are so many things each of us can be thankful for, and that's a good thing.

According to studies cited in this Harvard article , this feeling of gratitude can indeed make us happier. A current example of this is the palpable emotion of people who go out onto their balconies at 8 p.m. to deservedly applaud healthcare workers.

In this TED Talk* video, the monk David Steindl-Rast speaks precisely about how it is possible to be grateful at all times - although this does not mean that we have to be grateful for everything that happens.

The video explains:

" But I didn't say we should be thankful for everything. I said we should be thankful for any given opportunity, and even when we're faced with something that's terribly difficult, we can rise to the occasion and respond to the opportunity presented to us."

Something similar was described by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu in their book The Book of Joy - a highly recommended read, by the way - where they talk about how, despite lives full of difficulties, they are happy and grateful for the things they have, including a beautiful friendship.

In my personal experience, life's difficulties are indeed opportunities to get to know ourselves, to become better people.

My mother suffered from a particularly aggressive form of dementia for a decade. Caring for her for several years was undoubtedly the most difficult time of my life, her death the second. However, I was able to find gratitude during those times, which made my grief difficult, though bearable, and I emerged from it recovered, stronger than ever.

As Steindl-Rast says, I am not grateful for the terrible illness my mother suffered, but I am grateful for the opportunity to care for her, to get to know my father better during those years, and to be with my mother during her last days, hours, and minutes. I am aware that not everyone has this opportunity, especially now.

In these times when we are all going through something very difficult, I think it would be very helpful to find that opportunity that Steindl-Rast speaks of. This will be, I believe, different for everyone; perhaps it's the chance to rediscover your family or friends, or to get to know yourself better, to learn who you truly are.

According to the Harvard article, there are ways to help cultivate gratitude. Among them:

- Write thank you letters to the people who help us

- Have a list of the good things we have in life

- Keep a gratitude journal

- Pray and/or meditate

Personally, I find meditation and reflecting on those opportunities to be the best way to be grateful. I don't always succeed, but I always try.

Are you cultivating gratitude these days? I'd love to hear how you're coping during this time, and if there's anything positive you're learning, despite the difficulties.

*The video is in English, but it has subtitles and a transcript in Spanish.